Sirius Black's Perfect Day
by eprime
Summary: Hogwarts-Era. Sirius has a really good day.


Sirius knew it was going to be a perfect day when he woke up not to the sound of Remus' soul destroying wind-up alarm clock but to absolute blessed silence. He stretched and yawned himself to reasonable alertness in the cozy, darkness of his curtain-shrouded bed, happily wallowing in the Saturdayness of the morning. His mouth felt a bit mucky and his head and stomach a bit swimmy, which was not surprising given last night's bout of drunken marauding. For a moment, his day teetered on the verge of becoming less than perfect until he swished open his curtains and spied the stringmint and the hangover potion sitting on his bedside table.

Good old Moony. Potions weren't his strongest suit but he'd learned to make a mean morning after potion after having to deal with one too many bouts of projectile vomiting. It was bad enough when he was pissed, too, Remus had said, but he wasn't about to deal with the contents of everyone's stomachs all over his slippers in the cold, harsh light of day. Remus wasn't anywhere to be seen now, though. And James and Peter were gone down to breakfast as well, Sirius reckoned. Their bed hangings were pulled wide open leaving three rumpled beds in view.

Sirius happily tossed back the potion, smacking his lips at the hint of vanilla Remus always added. The stringmint left his mouth feeling cool and fresh and he flopped back onto the pillow letting his hand wander down his belly to cup his testicles through his pajama bottoms. He scratched an itch then moved his hand up to his cock, stroking it languidly through the fabric. He wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but he was positive he had time for a nice private wank before they all got back.

Sirius loved when he could be loud and uninhibited when he wanked-no silencing charms to stifle his exuberance-and he took full advantage of the opportunity. When he'd finally come all over his stomach and mopped up the mess with his pajama bottoms which he'd kicked off in the interim, he began to notice that he was feeling a bit peckish.

Just then, the dormitory door swung open and Sirius fluffed up his pillows and settled back regally against his headboard, pulling his sheet up to his waist and regarding his roommates expectantly.

"Oi, tosser!" James threw himself across the foot of Sirius' bed and propped himself up on one elbow to grin at Sirius. "About fucking time you woke up. Did the pretty princess get all her beauty sleep?"

Sirius managed to preen and look down his nose at the ridiculous git at the same time. "Obviously." He shook his sleek hair away from his face. "Forget to brush your hair again this morning, Potter?"

"He was too busy worrying about the spot on his chin and whether or not Lily would notice it at breakfast," Peter put in as he walked by on his way to the loo.

"I've not got a spot, you plank!" James aimed a kick at Peter who dodged as a matter of course. "It's a shaving nick."

"You should pick up some bubotuber pus from Pomfrey," Remus said over Sirius' snickering.

"It's not a spot!"

Remus ignored this to float a tray with a covered plate over to Sirius, even as he bent down to dig through his trunk. Sirius admired the view as the plate floated nearer.

"Full English!" Sirius crowed with delight as he lifted the cover. "Moony, my own sweet angel, a thousand blessings upon your head!" Taking knife and fork in hand, Sirius dug in. "Dewishuff," he said through a mouthful of eggs and sausage.

"I told him if you were going to be such a lazy git, we should let you go without," James informed him, flicking specks of sprayed eggs into the air with his wand and making them burst into tiny fire balls with lightning-quick incendios.

"Moony loves me," Sirius said smugly, spearing a line of beans on his fork tines in a way he knew would make his mother go spare. Few things delighted Sirius more than to thumb his nose at his deeply ingrained beautiful table manners. Even though Walburga wasn't around to see it now, he was sure eddies in the magical ether somehow made their way to his dear old mum and caused her nostrils to go white with suppressed fury.

Remus snorted from the depths of his trunk. "You're a bleeding nightmare if you don't eat breakfast, more like. Preventative measures, and all that."

Sirius merely smiled rather condescendingly as he shifted into a plumper part of the pillows. His stomach was warm and happy now, and there was nothing he liked better than to be pampered and have his friends dance attendance on him while he lounged in appropriate style.

James sat up abruptly, jostling the tray on Sirius' lap but a clever anti-spill charm saved the tea. Fucking brilliant Moony was.

"Christ, Wormtail!" James shouted. "You sound like a bloody racehorse in there. How many times have we told you-shut the door when you're taking a piss!" He flicked his wand at the door and it slammed shut on Peter's sheepish sounding apology.

Sirius' gaze wandered back over to Remus' backside, but he had finally finished rooting around in his trunk and had turned to face them.

"Who's up for a game of pick-up Quidditch?"

Sirius and James gaped at him as Remus unshrunk his broom looked at them with one raised eyebrow.

"What? If I so much as see a textbook this weekend I'll go round the bend."

Sirius inhaled the rest of his breakfast and they all tumbled out of doors, picking up the odd student here and there to make up the teams. It was a brilliant match and afterwards Sirius slung his arm around Remus' shoulder as James scowled and counted out Sirius' winnings into the palm of his outstretched hand.

"Ta, mate." Sirius gave James a toothy smile. "Good thing Moony doesn't play keeper for Slytherin, eh?"

Remus smiled modestly. "I just got lucky."

"No," James said grudgingly. "You've got wicked reflexes." He still resented not being able to talk Remus into trying out for the Gryffindor team. With what Sirius could tell was Herculean restraint, James refrained from commenting on his own team's keeper. Peter slunk behind them trying to be inconspicuous.

"What next, lads?" Sirius asked cheerfully.

"I heard the Hog's Head has some goblin-made absinthe in."

"Illicit excursion to Hogsmeade, then? Excellent. Could do with a quick pop 'round to Honeydukes, as well." Sirius flung his other arm around James. "Shall we?"

"I can't go," Peter said looking halfway envious and halfway pleased with himself. "Gobstones club meets in half an hour and I've got a date after with Florence."

Sirius let go of James and Remus to made a lewd gesture with his hands. "What's your obsession with big tits, mate?"

James smirked. "They remind him of his mum."

"Wankers." Peter flushed, and Sirius opened his mouth to make an hilarious, scathing comment when Remus stepped forward drawing everyone's eyes toward him. Too soft for his own good, Moony was.

"I can't make it either."

The perfect day wobbled a bit until Remus grinned. "Have some mischief to be managed."

Identical grins spread over all their faces. "Tell us about it later?"

"Of course. See you all at dinner."

Sirius admired the view as Remus walked away until Peter said his own goodbyes and James nudged him in the side with his elbow.

"Yeah, bye Pete," Sirius said absentmindedly then looked at James as he snorted.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're a right nutter, Potter."

"'S why you love me."

"Indeed it is."

They set off for the nearest tunnel after a brief detour to snag the cloak. One never knew, after all, when one might need it to scoop up all the rat droppings from the cages in the pet shop in Hogsmeade and post them inside a priority howler at the Owl Office to Snivellus. Sirius couldn't wait for dinner to see rat dung explode in Snape's face, but it turned out he didn't have to wait that long to see Snivellus make a prat of himself.

He and James were headed back to the tower laden with the cherished bottles of clear green liquid and the never-ending candyfloss, Zonko's latest sensation, that Remus adored when a group of chattering students crossed their path. Snivellus was trailing behind them, his oily nose pressed to a parchment. He didn't notice them.

"Slug Club," Sirius said derisively as he watched his brother round the corner.

"Evans!" James called. "All right?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. Yes, there was the red-headed bint. Now that James was Head Boy Evans could almost stand to have an actual conversation with him occasionally. Sirius didn't like it one bit.

"Potter." Her voice was mocking but held an undercurrent of warmth that hadn't been there in years prior.

Snivellus had jerked his head up at the exchange and was glaring fiercely at James with hooded eyes as he continued to follow after the other students. So intent was his gaze, he walked right into the dead end of the wall. His head met the stone with a loud thud and he staggered back and fell on his arse in the middle of the corridor.

As the remaining crowd began to gather around him and titter, Sirius doubled over in laughter.

"P-p-priceless," he gasped, laughing even harder as James' face turned bright red under the strain of trying not to let his own laughter out under Evans' disapproving glare. Evans crouched down next to Snivellus and studied the bump that formed on his forehead.

"We should get him to Madame Pomfrey."

"Right," said James, in a manfully deep voice that wavered on the edges with suppressed hysteria.

"I don't need _your_ help," Snivellus sneered, jerking away from Evans and staggering to his feet. He threw once last glance full of loathing at them then scuttled away.

"It wasn't my fault!" James cried, throwing his arms up in a placating fashion before he finally lost the battle and guffawed along with Sirius.

Evans tried to glare, but the corners of her mouth twitched and she flounced away down the corridor in a hurry.

"Hold up, Evans!"

James shoved the bottles he was carrying at Sirius, leaving him with a muttered promise to see him at dinner. Sirius sniffed as James ran off after Evans' swinging skirt. Pathetic. But he brightened as he headed toward the dorm. Maybe Moony was back from whatever he'd gotten up to and Sirius would be the first to know what it was all about. He shoved the bottles into the inner pockets of his cloak and started jogging toward the tower.

The common room was fairly full as Sirius passed through, ignoring the hopeful glances of more than a few of the girls gossiping together in various corners. He did pause when he saw Peter sitting close to Florence on the sofa in front of the hearth. He had his arm draped along the back of the couch and was inching it forward toward her shoulders. Hopelessly pathetic.

Sirius caught his eye and raised his eyebrows dramatically, circling his thumb and forefinger and plunging his other forefinger into it rapidly as she turned her face toward Wormtail. Wormtail glared at him and when Florence turned to see what he was looking at Sirius gave her his most charming smile and a cheery wave before heading up the stairs.

Moony had better be there. Now that all his distractions were gone, Sirius was really curious to find out what Remus had been up to all afternoon. He did like his secrets, Moony did, though Sirius didn't really approve. It just wasn't on having secrets among them, especially not from him.

He pushed open the door to their room, but it was completely empty. Once again, the wobbly feeling came back and Sirius almost began to sulk. Then he noticed the pile of parchment on Moony's bed. He looked around carefully, then wandered over to have a peek. Remus didn't like people going through his things when he wasn't there, but really, Sirius thought, it was his own fault when he left things out and unattended like that (or only put away with a simple locking charm any first year could break). Too trusting by half. And it wasn't as if Sirius could help being curious. Moony should know better by now.

He was just reaching for the top sheaf of paper when a loud bout of singing came from the loo. Sirius stifled a snigger and quickly crossed over to his own bed and quietly unloaded the bottles and sweets into his trunk. It was too bad James still had the cloak, but Sirius cast a quick disillusionment charm over himself and crouched against his bed curtains, blending into the red fabric of the hangings. Giving Moony a scare was always good for a laugh.

After a few moments, Remus came out wrapped in a towel with his hair still damp and standing on end from a brisk attempt at drying. Sirius didn't want to jump out and terrify his unsuspecting victim just yet. It wasn't often that he got a chance to have such a good long look at Moony all unawares, and he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity now.

Moony was finally starting to fill out a little, and his shoulders were quite nice, really. And had his legs always been that long or were the Hogwarts towels getting smaller? Sirius clutched the curtains a little tighter. What was he doing? Sweeping the parchment onto his bedside table and dropping his towel and...oh...his arse..._fucking top drawer_. And...and he was not getting dressed. Very much not getting dressed.

Sirius was in danger of pulling the draperies down around him as Moony draped himself across his own bed, lounging in almost the same way Sirius had that morning. Only there was no sheet covering his privates and he had his legs spread, one bent and the other dangling off the side of the bed. He almost gasped aloud as Moony reached down and took himself in hand.

He knew Moony wanked of course. They all did when they could manage it behind their curtains at night or in the morning, and sometimes in the showers. And as for himself, a few times in the supply cupboard between DADA and Transfiguration when the professor had used Remus to demonstrate various curses and defenses and proper dueling techniques. Remus would be all intense and sweaty by the end of the demonstration, and Sirius would be focused on the little drops of sweat beading on his temples and upper lip and be forced to sit through the rest of the class imagining the salty taste on his tongue if just reached over and flicked it against Moony's skin.

But knowing that Moony wanked was quite different from seeing him doing it. Randy little tart, Sirius thought admiringly as Moony rolled his balls in one hand while the other fisted his cock with leisurely strokes. He hadn't even cast a locking charm on the door. It was almost as if wanted to be caught. Who'd've thought the swotty little ex-prefect would be such a kinky bugger. It made Sirius feel quite proud.

When Moony reached up to suck his fingers into his mouth, thoroughly (and rather obscenely, Sirius thought) wetting them with his saliva and reaching down to pump his definitely impressive erection faster, Sirius whimpered very very softly. Moony threw his head back and husky little moans spilled out of his slightly parted lips. His tongue darted out to wet them, leaving them looking shiny and red and enticing.

Sirius licked his own lips and clenched so hard around the drapes that his knuckles turned white. Oh, how he wished for the cloak right then. He couldn't risk even small movements with just a quickly cast disillusionment charm.

Moony was getting louder, spreading his legs wider and thrusting his hips up forcefully as his hand sped up to a blur. His whole body went taut and Sirius bit his lip hard and Moony arched suspended over his bed for a long moment as his cock spurted all over his stomach. Then Moony collapsed back against the bed with a groan

Very slowly Sirius mashed his face into the red velvet curtains and tried not to moan piteously as his own ignored but not forgotten raging erection twitched in the too tight confines of his jeans. Please, please go have another shower, he silently begged.

Amazingly, Moony did.

Sirius hobbled out of the room as quickly and quietly as he could and into the nearest alcove on the stairwell. It was his fastest wank to date, and he cast a quick _scourgify_ and tucked himself away before anyone was the wiser. Fucking brilliant day, he thought, swaggering back down to the common room with a grin, ready to torment Wormtail for a decent interval before returning to the dorm.

James had shown up before long, spurned by Evans once again, and Florence had left Peter high and dry so they'd all gone to collect Remus and headed to the Great Hall for dinner. Sirius was so caught up in the pleasant memories of the afternoon and in his steak and kidney pie, a favorite of his since discovering it first year (it had been the first in a long line of plebeian tendencies his mum had tried unsuccessfully to stamp out), that Sirius had completely forgotten about the howler.

Nothing topped off a meal like exploding rat dung and Snivellus' expression of white-hot fury. The best part was that James had forgotten, as well, and they both looked so surprised at the commotion that no one even accused them of having a hand in it, though McGonagall gave them all a piercing glare when they'd then laughed so hard tears had come to their eyes.

"Right then," James said when they'd all calmed down and gotten a fair way through their pudding. "Next up, drunken debauchery?"

"Let us revel," Sirius intoned.

"Carouse," offered Peter.

"_Ah, shall my white feet in the dances gleam_

_The livelong night again?__ Ah, shall I there_

_Float through the Bacchanal's ecstatic dream,_

_Tossing my neck in the dewy air?_"

James groaned. "He'll be quoting Euripedes at us all night."

"If you're going to invoke the God, you may as well do it properly," Remus said primly.

Sirius threw back his head and laughed. "Too right, Moony. Prongs is just afraid he might accidentally learn something."

"I can quote poetry as well, you know." James smirked and cleared his throat. "_Much wine had passed, with grave discourse Of who fucks who, and who does worse-_".

Everyone snickered.

"I still can't believe you memorized the whole of it." Remus rolled his eyes as he dropped his fork and stood. "Not quite the thing for the Great Hall, though. Shall we?"

"We shall indeed, Moony my darling."

James snorted again as they got to their feet.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing."

Remus arched an eyebrow.

Peter looked from James to Sirius to Remus. He quirked a grin. "Last one to the room has to kiss a werewolf."

James shoved Sirius to the floor and took off after Peter, but Sirius was up and running and chasing after them with a playful curse on his lips until the words finally sunk into his head and he stumbled over his own feet and sprawled inelegantly in the middle of the thankfully deserted corridor. Well, almost deserted.

"Pretty sure you've lost this one, mate," Remus said as he walked slowly up to Sirius. "James and Peter are long gone, and well, I can run faster than you."

"Right," Sirius said, staring up at the hand Remus stretched out to him.

"Going to stay down there all night?"

He put his hand in Remus' and was promptly hauled to his feet.

"You never asked me what mischief I was planning today."

"Oh." Sirius blinked. "What was it?"

Remus pulled out a piece of parchment and handed it to Sirius. He read over it twice.

"You _knew_ I was there?"

Sirius flushed. Remus' smirk really was rather infuriating and quite...quite...Oh, he was wetting his lips again and moving closer. _Oh_.

Most fucking brilliant day ever.

Notes:

*Remus quotes Euripedes' Bacchae.

*James quotes A Ramble in St. James's Park by Lord Rochester.


End file.
